Let’s Talk Forgiveness
Are you aware that it is your lack of forgiveness that is causing ALL the stuckness in your life?
Do you know that forgiveness is just another word for ‘letting go’?
Can you imagine if you could forgive everything how free you would be? How light you would feel? How unburdened your mind would be? How at peace would be your soul?
It is one of the most difficult things to do in life, to forgive. It requires us to face our fears, have enough faith to take a risk, acceptance of life as it is, and a willingness to let go of things we have held onto so tightly they are a part of us.
One form of forgiveness is forgiving others. This can happen with or without the other person’s knowledge. That is insignificant. What is significant is that you feel the forgiveness within you; that you have truly let go of what you were holding on to. You will have to face your fears related to this person/the incident/the idea of letting go of your anger/hurt/resentment/hatred. You will have to find faith to risk relinquishing those emotions and any illusions of control you have related to “justice” or “karma”. You have to accept that what happened happened, and there is no changing the past. Acceptance does not mean condoning. And you will have to find within you a willingness to open that clenched fist and release the person and everything related to the issue you are forgiving into the hands of Life.
Another form of forgiveness is to seek forgiveness from others. We usually prefer this to involve the other person, but that is not always possible or necessary. And either way, you have no control over another person’s ability to forgive, even when you seek to make amends. The attempt to seek forgiveness must be done with no expectations and for one’s own good.
A third form is self-forgiveness. This can be necessary (most often is, in fact) even when dealing with an incident where others acted upon you. We can often hold onto a belief that we are somehow to blame, at least in part for what happened. We can hold anger towards ourselves for not “getting over it” or for letting it dominate so much of our lives, thoughts or behaviours. The process is the same; face the fear of acknowledging your true feelings towards yourself in this matter, have faith that you can risk letting go of something that has become a part of your identity (perhaps being a victim), accept that what is done is done, and be willing to let go of your shame/guilt/anger/sadness.
The last kind of forgiveness is the ability to forgive Life. We often overlook this one, yet it can be profoundly helpful in finding true closure around an issue or for starting the process of forgiveness when you’re still not able to forgive the other or yourself. Ask yourself, can you forgive Life for you having experienced something (a trauma), or for something beyond your control having happened (a natural disaster)? Can you step back and look at the incident as a play and every one involved as the actors on a stage? Yet in this play called “Life”, none of the actors knows how each scene will unfold and each is only doing the best they can with what they have to keep the play moving forward.
I offer these thoughts and questions for your consideration. From experience, I know the end result of forgiveness is Freedom; and that is a prize worth walking on the coals for.
